EQUALITY – Marriage license day in Washington

We took the day off to get our marriage license. Thursday, December 6th, the election results on the referendum on same-sex marriage were going to be certified and Governor Gregoire was going to sign off on them, the first day we could get a license. We could have waited of course but this seemed like being part of history. The county Auditor’s Office was really organized and issued numbers to couples in advance to make the line go more smoothly and also to put some couples a little more front and center, like this couple registering for a license in Tacoma. They’ve been together for 54 years.

Then there was this couple down in South Bend. They don’t quite fit the stereotype, do they? (The caption refers to 800 couples, which is a reference to Seattle. But these were in South Bend.)

And then finally here’s a photo of a bunch of us back in Tacoma waiting out front of the country annex to go in and get our licenses. There were about 60 to 80 couples lined up and waiting.

This isn’t gesture politics for my partner and me, it’s all about the bureaucracy. The first step is getting maried, the next step is getting the federal government to recognize it, and the Supreme Court may be bringing that day closer too.

This is why it’s not gesture politics for us. Once I can get my partner onto my health insurance (federal government) we immediately start saving $400/month. Also when my military retirement starts in a year and a bit, and then my federal retirement some day, I don’t have to stay alive just so my partner can draw it, because hopefully by then he’ll be a spouse in the eyes of the federal government.

So this is not about gesture politics at all. It’s simple equality.

17 thoughts on “EQUALITY – Marriage license day in Washington

  1. You’d think the government workers’ syndicates would have given members the ability to include anyone in their policies long ago. It’s almost like they had some concern with keeping the system solvent, but that can’t be it.

  2. Congratulations, Ginkgo, and my best wishes to you and your partner.

    My joy for you in increased by my hope that my many sons will be able to marry their male or female partners because of your victory. Here’s why:

    Heterosexual marriage has been a terrible if not disasterous deal for heterosexual men since the early 1980′s and finally more and more het men are figuring this out and dropping out of the financial abattoir that is the wedded bliss industry.

    If heterosexual marriage is to be saved, then it will only be because gay marriages and lesbian marriages will lead the way in teaching us how to reform het marriage to remove all the gendered biases against het men, and the inducements for women to divorce them.

    #Sorryfeminists – the days of your using divorce laws to rape the wallets of your discarded husbands to fund your eat/pray/love hypergamy are drawing to a close, and you don’t even realize it.

    From all the straight men (and families) this will help – well done, Ginkgo. Well done.

  3. Congratulations Ginkgo! Best of wishes to you both.
    Hopefully it won’t be the last good thing to come.

  4. Congratulation Ginkgo. It is heartening to see the world move forward (albeit slowly) in some areas.

    As a sidenote: There is a saying “old couples look alike” which apparently has some root in reality (http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/genetic/old-couples.htm). When I viewed the slideshow I was struck by how this seem (unsurprisingly perhaps) even more true for gay couples.

  5. Wilson,
    “You’d think the government workers’ syndicates would have given members the ability to include anyone in their policies long ago.”

    I know better. For one thing they don’t set the rules, Congress does, so that means the Fundamenalists have veto power. but even if they did set the rules, they wouldn’t push
    much on this issue. A lot of them are as slow to warm to this as anyone else.”

    ” It’s almost like they had some concern with keeping the system solvent, but that can’t be it”

    Personnel benefits are not where the federal government is insolvent. The insolvency is from entitlement programs and government contractors, espcially defense contracting. When you hear noise about being “strong on defnese” that’s all about the defense contractors’ gravy train. The whole north end of Virginia’s economy rests on government contracting.

    But you are right, the government worker unions don;t care about solvency any more than anyoen else does. we are all like the finance ghouls who have been feeding off the body of the American economy for the last 30 years and calling it growth, mining the economy the way we thoguth the continent and its resources were endless in the 19th century. It’s the tragedy of the commons.

  6. “When I viewed the slideshow I was struck by how this seem (unsurprisingly perhaps) even more true for gay couples.”

    The cliche, which exists because it is so true, is that gay couples are often two clones. You even see this in groups of friends. It’s kind of immature and a little sad.

  7. Bibo, there is a whole post in responding to this:
    “If heterosexual marriage is to be saved, then it will only be because gay marriages and lesbian marriages will lead the way in teaching us how to reform het marriage to remove all the gendered biases against het men, and the inducements for women to divorce them.”

    I experienced this first hand. My ex-wife is a wonderful person, and about as forward-thinking as they comes, but looking back it amazes me how easily all the old gender yokes came out of the woodwork. We weren’t even aware of how conventional and artifical they were. Living with man has epxosed all that to me. Real equality shines that kind of light on the past.

    I think it is possible to have this kind of life with a woamn, but it has to be a radically diffenrent kind of women, one that has been raised like a man – disposability, duty to others before self-interest, all the rest. that may be the real attraction of Asian women for American men.

  8. “South Bend” has to be the BEST PLACE EVER to register a gay marriage :D

  9. “I think it is possible to have this kind of life with a woamn, but it has to be a radically diffenrent kind of women, one that has been raised like a man – disposability, duty to others before self-interest, all the rest. that may be the real attraction of Asian women for American men.”

    And there’s our next topic.

  10. Ogun, indeed it is. And one big part of the discussion is all the concern-trolling obfuscatory moralizing around it – accusations of racism and white privilege, (even when it’s black servicemen) and a whole lot of other hypocrisy.

  11. Peter, oyu would probably love the place. their annul festival is the oyster Festival and there are shell mounds all over. There used to be logging as the basis of the society and that culture hangs on as you can see from the way those guys are dressed.

    It has a mild, moist climate, more like the mouth of the Columbia River to its south than the Olympic Peninsula to its north. I imagine it’s a lot like that mild soutwestern end of Ireland where fuchsias have become an invasive species – that kind of gentle paradise.

  12. dungone,

    Many thanks!

    Honeymoon? So far no ceremony even. That’ll be at the end of January. The honeymoon will wait until we save the money.

  13. I should never have bothered commenting at The Good Men Project.

    http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/a-fathers-pledge-to-help-end-domestic-violence/comment-page-1/#comment-384298

    While a few of comments have made it through, the ones debunking the one in four study and one that includes a link to my article have been moderated, former deleted.

    Guys, do me a favor. Go over there and give them a piece of your mind please. Post your comments about their heavy censorship. Please. I don’t have the energy anymore and I’d rather not deal with it myself. I’ve got better things to do.

    Yeah yeah, I knew what I was getting myself into.

  14. Ginkgo,
    congratulations!
    I always found the opposition to gay marriage by conservatives strange. Commitment and caring for somebody else are virtues in a conservative world view and men living with other men never was generally a bad thing. What happens in the bedroom is a private matter and hence of no concern to a conservative mind. The only thing, where there might be a conflict seems the refusal to marry someone of the opposite sex and parenting.

    Eagle35
    “I should never have bothered commenting at The Good Men Project.”
    Indeed that might have been better.
    “Guys, do me a favor. Go over there and give them a piece of your mind please.”
    What would this be good for?
    At some point one has to accept that some people just don’t care, if only they wouldn’t pretend like they did.

  15. @Ginkgo: Fuscia are an invasive species? Damn, I thought they were practically a symbol of Kerry. How little I know about my own country 8o. Congratulations at any rate :)

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