R. A. Dickey – Maybe They’ll Start Listening Finally

R.A Dickey pitches for the Mets. He writes and reads a broad range of books. I don’t follow baselball at all, so that’s all I know about him. Well, now it seems he has written an autobiography and given his fame it is likely to get a lot of attention.

Bombshell: He was sexually abused at the age of eight by a female babysitter. The abuse went on for a period of time.That is not “ephebophilia’ or “true love” or any of those other comfortable pervarications when the rapist is female. this was straight up pedophilia, female on male. This was rape of a child.

Oprah got praise for finally mentioning boy victims of rape, after a career of bringing male sex abuse of girls and women to the stage. Good for her, for all of it. Of course she had to start with male sexual abuse fo females, because that’s all her audiences were open to hearing about, given their biases, comfortable prejudices and limitations. But in the end she led them to the point where they could acknowledge the existence of male victims. She never got to the point where she featured males who had been abused by women as boys before she ended her show, and maybe she just couldn’t get there. Bless her for what she did manage to do.

This is the next step. Of course there have been bloggers writing about this forever – Toysoldier comes to mind immediatelyand he has a post up about Dickey himself – but they don’t have the access to a national audience that an R.A. Dickey does, and a specifically male national audience. That is the audience that needs to hear this, with their biases, comfortable prejudices and limitations; the others can come later. In that audience will be men who need to hear this for their own reasons.

It’s high time.

25 thoughts on “R. A. Dickey – Maybe They’ll Start Listening Finally

  1. Yeah, it’s about time at last.

    While Oprah did feature men who were abused as boys, their perpetrators were other men which didn’t do any good for male survivors as a whole since now those survivors who were abused by females would still encounter the “But abusers are other men…” trope. Great start but just added fuel to another form of ignorance.

    Now I’m glad that the spotlight is shining on male survivors of female abuse. Let it roll on.

  2. Wow, thanks Danny. I wasn’t sure about sharing my articles but now that I think about it, if there’s awareness to be called to, then it’s for the best.

    Too bad the Brush With Suicide one failed to get any likes or tweets. It seems that, the more articles I did, the less likes and tweets I received.

    I don’t know if people think I’m self-righteous or if they just don’t want to hear it anymore. Even Lisa herself, one of the editors at The Good Men Project, felt I should go beyond the “Abused by females” thing because I wouldn’t live a full life if I didn’t. Paraphrasing here.

    Which is a mixed thing. I agree it’s better to branch out, add variety, be inclusive of other things. But the thing is, abuse of boys by girls or women still isn’t taken that seriously. Even Danny said in a comment there that bullying programs have still yet to address girls bullying boys as consequential.

    So I just don’t get it.

  3. While we’re on the subject of The Good Men Project, my latest article gets nary a like or tweet.

    At the same time, sewage like this: http://goodmenproject.com/families/10-things-id-tell-my-teenage-daughter-about-men-dating-and-sex/

    Is worthy of 36 likes and 9 Tweets and commentators praising it for its satire.

    I mean take a look at these things here:

    “Just assume that every man you meet from now until you’re, I don’t know, 53(?) would sleep with you if given the opportunity”

    “When in doubt, break up

    Relationship drama is for grown ups. And by “grown-ups” I mean “old motherfuckers.” If you’re 21 years old, and you and your boyfriend are going through some serious adversity, break the hell up with him. No need to be “working through” anything if you’re still not even old enough to serve in the House of Representatives.

    I know this seems cold, but your youth should be the time when you’re having as much fun as you possibly can, not losing sleep because some janky cat with lint on his lips is going through some depression and you don’t know how to help him. You really want to know the best way to get through to him? Say “deuces” and let him figure that shit out for himself.”

    “When in dating doubt, always err on the side of making things harder for the guy

    He needs to convince you that he’s worthy of being in your life, not the other way around.”

    “When in relationship doubt, err on the side of making things easier

    You have carte blanche to be a bit of an asshole while you’re single and dating. In fact, I encourage it. Once a guy has proven himself worthy and “won” you, though, you can start buying him gum and and sleeping in the wet spot and shit.”

    “I know I’m your father and you love me and shit, but don’t try to date men like me

    I’m an awkward asshole who only tricked your mother into marrying me because I told her the Sultan of Brunei is my second cousin on my dad’s side. Your best strategy would be to avoid all assholes, awkward and, um, unawkward, regardless of how attractive and “unique” they seem to be. You can usually easily spot them, too. They’re the ones who intrigue you and make you feel a little tingly because they literally do not give a fuck about you or anything you do.”

    But this is cherries and rainbows compared to the final thing here:

    “Throughout life, you’re going to meet men who say things like “I’m not like every other guy.” If you happen across a man like this, kick him in the nuts.

    If he screams, he’s exactly like every other guy. If he doesn’t, he might actually be telling the truth.”

    I just…christ oh fucking mighty on a popsical stick!

    Now I wish I hadn’t read it because it brought those triggers up.

    Fuck these people. These inconsiderate, ignorant assholes! Abuse against men from a female as satire and humor!

    I need to have some down time.

  4. “Is worthy of 36 likes and 9 Tweets and commentators praising it for its satire.”

    Eagle, has it ever occurred to you that they are beneath you?

    “Even Lisa herself, one of the editors at The Good Men Project, felt I should go beyond the “Abused by females” thing because I wouldn’t live a full life if I didn’t. Paraphrasing here…”

    Lisa was being an idiot there. It’s fine as an editorial preference to tell you she wants articles other than whatever, but she has no place telling you how to do your healing or when to “get over” something. You might tell her so from me. you might tell her that being dominated by females is what you are healing from, as a matter of fact, that she is just being the same kind of abuser as you have ben dealing with all along.

    As for that sewage you quote, that shit has no place on that site. It is misandrist garbage,

  5. Gingko: “Eagle, has it ever occurred to you that they are beneath you?”

    I know, I know.

    But I’m struggling to get my story heard. People don’t listen if they’re not aware. Having not a single like or a tweet hinders the awareness.

    You may think it’s easy to stand up against the tide but try going it all alone with little to no support. I gurantee you, it’s not easy.

    Gingko: “As for that sewage you quote, that shit has no place on that site. It is misandrist garbage,”

    Yet, they approved of it and now it’s garnering views.

    I don’t know anymore. It’s getting harder and harder to find anyone to trust nowadays who actaully believes in getting male survivors heard and easier to encounter people who are two-faced.

  6. Remember, people who are “beneath you” are still dangerous. It’s probably best to think of them as if they were the deadly pets of Dr. Fu-Manchu, except with none of the innocence that comes with being a lethal, unknown species of centipede.

    I have to ask, was this a serious list or was it another bungled attempt at satire? I remember seeing several such “clever” pieces on the GMP in the past. Actually, they were one of the many reasons I stopped going to that site. In either case, that kind of trash has no business being displayed in any place laying claim to even a thin veneer of respectability.

    Abuse of men by women as humor is a common enough trope, but hosting something like that seriously undermines any claim they make to represent a positive or welcoming space for men.

    As for the rest, well, they say the world is unjust, but the reality is that people are unjust and the world is a ball of rock hurtling through space. Humans are too thick to notice truth or seek out justice until it is forced on them, so the best you can do is to keep beating them over their heads with it. If you want to keep more faith in people and distribute some of the blame to an external source, I suggest misotheism.

  7. Hidingfromdinosaurs: “I have to ask, was this a serious list or was it another bungled attempt at satire?”

    It was yet another article masquerading as humor and satire. One of many that I can count on two hands that circulate easily to mainstream sites such as that one.

    While The Good Men Project did open up their hearts to me, they still fail to recognize misandry disguised as humor and satire.

  8. “Remember, people who are “beneath you” are still dangerous. It’s probably best to think of them as if they were the deadly pets of Dr. Fu-Manchu, except with none of the innocence that comes with being a lethal, unknown species of centipede.”

    Good point, Hiding, but they are ujnreachable by appeals to decency. They do pose a threat, but the only good way to deal with that threat is by getting decent people to regulate on them. That is really how a lot of this kind of good change in standards and perceptions comes about.

  9. Oh, I stumbled across that toxicon once of a link someone left lying around like an unxploded artillery round, Clarence. She’s just bitter ’cause she can’t get laid.

  10. Eagle, wow! That is some amazing shit. satire or not.

    This one: Relationship drama is for grown ups. And by “grown-ups” I mean “old motherfuckers.” If you’re 21 years old, and you and your boyfriend are going through some serious adversity, break the hell up with him. No need to be “working through” anything if you’re still not even old enough to serve in the House of Representatives.

    I was married the first time at age 19, and we were married for 5 years… so at age 21, I was indeed “working through” things, and that is what people in relationships try to do. It bothers me that he writes this, as if to suggest that young people are too silly to want to preserve their love relationships.

    In short, pretty ageist as well as generally sexist.

  11. Not just that Daisy.

    I would’ve dismissed it, even if it rankled my feathers, were it not for the “Kick him in the nuts” advice.

    The very idea that someone can write that shit and call it a joke or satire shows how disgusting it is. This person can rot in hell for all I care. He wants to turn violence against men into a joke or satire well let me just say, as someone who was abused by girls and women, he can kiss my ass!

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